Searching for you


           What if all I ever did was searching for you? And with every try I just learned a new lesson until I was ready for you.  What kind of specie are you that I have to learn so much and hurt so hard?

           My nickname would be savior. I save everything: from a building, a wall, a design, a dress, till relationship, a person. It’s in my nature to help and save. Unconsciously I search for complicated situations that need a solution, for people who need saving from their lives or their drama. You need me? I am here! You have a drama? I can fix it! What that gives me? The pleasure of feeling needed. The start kicks for a new passion. The feelings of power, that I can help you with anything and makes you rise from ash. That’s what I think it gives me. But in the end it is a new lesson. I love again, I get hurt again, I need to leave again, and I have a lesson to learn.

       Who are you and how much more leveled are you that I prepare myself so much for you? Which is the final lesson? That I am not a savior, and that I need to be saved much more than any other? Then why don’t you cross my path and take me into your arms? Or have you crossed it, and I couldn’t be ready yet to hold on to you?

           Sometimes I am tired of walking, of trying, of breathing. I could stay for hours on a bench in a park and just think over it all. And I would never leave that bench.  But at other times, I can’t wait to jump, to try, to meet, to save something, anyone, just to have a purpose. So I figured it out that those are my extremes. Should I figure out what’s the middle of it, or should I find another man that loves extremes as much as I do? Maybe with someone like me, we can grow together. 

             But no, life keeps showing me that I have to manage everything all by myself. And until I will meet you, I will love you unconditionally, as perfect as you are in my imagination.


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