Enough

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And I am lost, trying to find a way between the lines that you deleted. I am lost between every word you said. I stared at the window and I didn’t see anything. All I see is your words. All I feel is your look. So cold, so controlled, so simple. All it was nothing. You never had felt a thing. You never trembled, you never felt the shiver down your spine, and you never felt me. All you felt was lust. All you wanted was just to live the moment. You made me like this: cold and unaware of others feelings.

 Many felt for me after. I didn’t. All was just cold and grey. I laughed but it was so fake. I felt nothing but vain. I lusted for a fantasy not them. And they felt as hard as I did after you. And it still doesn’t feel enough. It never will, until you feel it too. Until you taste your own medicine. You gave me wings, but cut them away. You put a smile but drowned it in tears. You should have felt that too. Or better, you shouldn’t feel anything you whole life. That should be your punishment. Not being able to feel nothing more than lust. To remain as empty as you are right now. To live for nothing more.  Or maybe, you should deserve to feel more, when you will reach my point. The point of an abandoned little core from where I am standing now. The point from where nothing seems to matter anymore. The point from where life seems grey and everything fades. How will you smile, then again?

Then you will come to me asking for answers, and then maybe it will be enough. Maybe then I will be able to forgive you…

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3 thoughts on “Enough

  1. Yes, I’ve felt this way. When my first husband left me, he broke my heart. I feel sorry for my 2nd husband because I was still hurting over my 1st marriage and I left him and hurt him the way my 1st husband when he left me. I didn’t intentionally aim to go out and hurt him, but that is what happened. I haven’t been out since my 2nd failed marriage in 2001. I don’t want to hurt anyone else again and I sure don’t want to be hurt again either. So I keep busy many other ways, so I don’t feel the loneliness sometimes.

    • oh Susan, I hope there is hope for us and maybe someday we might forgive and forget and find somebody that we wont hurt, and they neither…and find happiness again! hugs my pain sister…

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