A scream is pumping down my ear. My face is like porcelain. It doesn’t show any expression. My eyes are empty but look ahead. My mouth is closed but words knock at it’s door without rest. And I wait, and wait for time to go by and the truth to be revealed. But, the time passing is making me feel elder and tired. I feel like I have no patience anymore and I’ve replaced it with numbness. I’m tired of new beginnings but I crave for them constantly. I’m afraid of losing myself into simplicity and destroy my complex personality with endless stupid people, and simple and unimportant matters. I don’t know what I wish for and time passes by without giving me a break to sort things out. At least I have the falling starts that wait for me to put a wish upon each, so that they can move the universe around for me. How do I find what I wish, when I am in numbness?
Maybe, a little magic can help!
What is time? I think it’s an artificial method of thinking. What was first, yesterday or tomorrow?
What if time isn’ t a straight line from past to future and it is just present. Just present on more levels. Present now, present tomorrow, present yesterday. All I want to do I allready did. All I already did I will do again.
Life is a cycle. Evertyhing gets redone at the same time. The only purpose that made logic to me for that to happen is that we must learn something. And in my belief the most two powers on this world are fear and love. Maybe the lesson is to love again and again untill we love all. Even the people that hurt us, even the things that scare us. So this ongoing present, this reliving each moment might be until we learn to love, until we gave up fear.
And, as many others, I have discovered that I have so many fears. The mainly one: the fear of not beeing loved, the fear of beeing pushed aside.
In my nights I travel in my dreams between yesterdays and tomorrows. In each I discovered I need to love more. Starting at myself and others. So I dare you: love and show love to the ones that pushed you aside. And trust me, you will be free…
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